The baby is here.  He arrived this morning, courtesy of 5 hours of labor without an epidural.

Don’t ask me how or why I didn’t get the drugs…well, the “why” is because by the time I got to the hospital I was 8 cm dilated and in the “transition” phase of labor – aka the really fucking awful part.  I guess I figured that since I was already doing the awful part, I’d just continue.  Using a midwife upped the chance that I’d give birth “naturally”, simply because that’s what they’re good at doing – guiding women through childbirth.  There was a small white lie involved – where they told me that I could get the epidural but I was so far along that I would probably have the baby by the time the epidural took effect…wasn’t totally the case but I did have him within 2 hours of arriving at the hospital.

The best part of doing it au natural sans drugs?  Deciding that this shit was bananas and if I wasn’t going to go with an epidural, I was going to be that lady in the hospital that yelled – really, really yelled.  If I really was going to go against what I had pretty much decided beforehand – after all, I had an epidural with our first and it was loooovely – I was going to do it dramatically.  If you knew me IRL, you’d know that only in extreme cases do I decide to be dramatic; usually I am the antithesis.  If there was an extreme case that called for drama, childbirth is it.

My poor husband – for the second time – got home at 2am after a 12 hour shift only to find his wife in labor.  For the next 5 hours he manfully pushed my back, held my hand, and supported my weight when the only thing I wanted to do was to hang off of his neck and pull down as hard as I could.  I watched him wrangle our 2-year old with one arm while holding the newborn in his other arm – and now he’s off to take care of our eldest while I cozy up with ice cream, tv, and a tiny newborn that grunts like a little piglet.  I forgot how cute the newborn grunts are.

I feel like i’m in the eye of the hurricane now.  I passed through the intensity of childbirth and am looking at the future chaos in the distance – what with raising two rambunctious boys.  I know it’s coming and it makes me shake my head, take a deep breath, and wait for it to overtake me.  Right now though, I’m in a quiet place, literally and figuratively.  The little grunting man next to me is still asleep, and I am alone with my thoughts, my laptop, and room service.

I think I’ll order some ice cream now.

Thanks for all those that passed good wishes along during my journey through the last six months of chaos.  Thanks for the kind words during the pregnancy.  I’m looking forward to what the future holds, and of seeing what kind of little men our boys turn out to be.  Thanks to those that have cheered us on.