Simple Island Living

Who’s been burgled?  Really, who hasn’t been burgled?  Being a victim of theft is anger-inducing and scary…and no one likes to think of themselves that way.  But in reality, we’re all thieves…we’re all guilty of stealing something – even though those thefts might be of the socially acceptable variety.

“Seriously Kris”, you might be thinking.  ”I don’t steal anything.”  I challenge you!  I will hazard to guess that you might be guilty of one of the following…and not even think of it in terms of stealing.  Let me do a quick breakdown for you…

Scenario 1:  Your waiter brings the check and it’s wrong.  You pay and leave without fixing the bill.

Not a big deal, you might think.  The restaurant will eat the cost and no one will know.  Is it a big deal?  BIG DEAL!  BIG DEAL!  It is a big deal if the waiter gave you the wrong check…because it comes out of that waiter’s pocket.  I used to work at a happy hour joint where the checks were very similar – a couple beers, some rolls of sushi, some sake and that was it.  I would have 10-13 tables at the same time.  Once in a while, at the end of happy hour when everyone would decide to leave at the same time, I would mix up checks and give them to the wrong table.  99% of the time, the table that got the lesser check would pay with cash and bolt out the door, while the table with the bigger check would flag me down to correct the problem.  What happened?  I paid for my mistake.  Came right out of my pocket at the end of the night.  My mistake, for sure, but I still cursed the person who knowingly paid less and left, thinking they got away cheap that day.  Bad karma my man.  Bad karma.

Scenario 2:  Using someone else’s unprotected wifi.

Is it cool to use the wifi of someone who doesn’t password-protect it?  I asked my husband for his answer, and he says, “That’s the great question of modern times.  Sometimes people don’t think it’ll extend past their house.  Other people intentionally leave it unlocked cause they feel they might as well share.  I think that if they don’t bother to lock down their network, no harm no foul.  The real harm happens when people use unprotected networks to pirate movies and music, and the actual owners might end up going to court over it.  That’s not cool.”

Scenario 3:  Starbucks – The Ghetto Latte:  getting an iced espresso and filling with milk from counter.

This is an ongoing debate – the Ghetto Latte.  The Consumerist reported that Starbucks has actually “condoned the ghetto latte”.  Some barista’s I’ve read (comments abound on this topic) will give you decaf if you do this.  Others (like my husband) will shrug their shoulders and say whatever.  (What my husband actually said was “Eh. Starbucks will just raise their prices on all drinks to make up for it.”  Which is exactly what they did…)  Legally, no barista can do anything about it.  Starbucks says that it leaves the decision on drink-customization up to the customer.  Who’s in the wrong here?  Don’t know, really, on this one.  All I know is that my mocha is now five cents more expensive because of it.  Not cool, to me.

Scenario 4:  Restaurant brings the wrong food to your table and you take it.

Restaurants employs servers, hosts, bartenders.  They also employ food runners to take food to tables.  Sometimes these food runners make mistakes, and when they bring that steak to your table and you don’t tell them it’s not yours and proceed to eat it…well then, that’s not cool.  Because the actual table who ordered it will get furious that their steak never arrives, the server will be utterly confused as to where the steak went off to, the cooks will be pissed that they have to remake something in the middle of the food rush, and the manager will be pissed that they have to comp some steak that some a-hole ate in addition to his ordered pizza.  The customer who has to wait for another steak doesn’t tip the server, the manager writes up the food runner for making a $45 mistake, the cooks get berated by the chef for a $45 food loss…and everyone winds up unhappy.  So please, just tell that nice boy/girl that you ordered a pizza not a steak, and don’t be that guy who ruins everyone’s night.

Scenario 5:  Stealing pens

Uncool man.  Those pens that you get from your server to sign your credit card check?  Don’t take it.  When you’re at the mall and you’re shopping?  Don’t shoplift the sales clerk’s pen.  Just stop taking people’s pens.  I don’t care how cool it is.  It’s not cool to take it.

Scenario 6:  Returning used goods to Nordstrom

Here’s a good one!  Nordstom’s return policy is epic.  But when does epic become a victim?

I have a dress I bought from Nordstrom.  I thought it looked great on, then I looked at the pictures from my sister’s wedding that I wore it in.  I look like I gained 50 pounds and somehow became a giant Asian Chewbacca.  Needless to say, I.  Hate.  The.  Dress.  But I spent $175 on it.  I wore it.  I took pictures in it.  I burned those pictures.  I hate it.  Do I return it?

I didn’t, but when I called to find out if I could…I was told politely that Nordstrom has a very forgiving return policy.  Personally I couldn’t do it.  But I know that others can, and damn if I really didn’t want to.  $175 is a nice chunk of change!

Would you have returned it?

In Reality…

Socially acceptable theft abounds.  There are other example I have forgotten, they’re so small (to me).  Let’s be honest here, after all, sometimes frugality wins over morality…

Have you ever committed socially acceptable theft?

Do you have a game plan for your life?  The idea/goal that you run your life by, thinking that the life you are living subscribes to the “rules” you’ve set it run by?

Then have you had fate laugh in your face for thinking you know better than destiny?

Ha!  (I’m fate, laughing in your face.)

Life #1:  Some people take things for granted.  They assume things to be, well, what they assume.  Not a great idea.

Life #2:  Other people decide to make their own fate by, say, working toward their goals, making it (almost) impossible not to achieve them.  Kudos to those people!

Life #3:  Other people do a mixture – work toward what they think their goal is, but always keeping an open mind about other opportunities.  I think that most of the PF community falls in this category.

The best thing about life is that you can constantly work at changing which one you live – maybe you were always a Life #1 person, then you realized that you needed to take charge of your life more, so you become Life #3.  Or maybe you’re a Life #2, and decide to become a Life #1.

Examples:

Life #1:

Case in point.  Me!  My husband told me this weekend that the one thing he thought was for sure when we moved back to Hawaii was that I would have a job working for my family.  This “for sure” thing, that seems like a for sure indeed, is not a for sure.  Surely not.  We are struggling to figure out what to do now that our “for sure” source of income has sort of put me on welfare.

Life #2:

Case in Point.  Something like a doctor or a lawyer – They know what they want to do.  They go to school for it.  They study for it.  They become it.  It’s a game plan, set in motion at an early age, that has an expected affect.  Someone studies to become a pediatrician.  They become a pediatrician.  Someone studies to become a lawyer.  They become a lawyer.  Unless something happens or they change their mind, their career paths are sort of a fate of their own making.

Life #3:

Case in Point #1.  Any PF blogger.  Heck, any blogger, really.  Take for instance, Crystal at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff.  She was working a customer service job, plugging along while she wrote.  Then she realized there was a market niche for blog ad services.  Then she realized she was making way more money at her side hobby than her real job.  Bam!  There was an opportunity, she took it, and now she is making her own fate.

Case in Point #2.  Another PF blogger…Ninja at Punch Debt in the Face.  He went to college, found a good job, found a beautiful wife, and plugged along until Bam!  He got the idea for MANteresting, and couldn’t pass up that opportunity.  Hopefully for him, his venture will pay off big time.

What’s your point Kris?

Well, my main point is that I’ve been pretty dumb. I’ve let assumptions rule my life for the last 6 years, and I am paying dearly for it now.  I am Life #1, and I aim to become Life #3.  I haven’t advanced my career in any way for the last 6 years, haven’t worked on myself – professionally.  It’s sort of sad, really.  I took a test for a placement agency and I did poorly.  Poorly!  How did I do so poorly when I was an Executive Assistant for multi-multi-multi-millionaires for years?!?  Oh yeah, that was 7 years ago.  Right.

So I’m working on becoming LIfe #3.  I like the sound of Life #3.  It’s sort of musical.  And much less shady like life #1.  I’m looking into certifications that will help my resume.  Looking into online courses that will help refresh my admittedly lazy skills.  And hopefully once this next baby is born, I will emerge all butterfly-like with a new resume, new outlook, new certifications, and (maybe) a new (or old) state to call home.  But that’s fodder for another day.

What life are you living?

I wish I knew how to teach my son the lessons he needs to know. The reality is that I don’t even know where to start.  So I thought of the best and worst words of wisdom I ever reviewed. Surprisingly, or not, the best and worst were exactly polar opposites of the same idea:  the idea of responsibility and being accountable for ones actions.

When I was in high school, I had a friend that had a crush on me.  He was very good at chemistry; I was very very bad at it. Science, for some reason my brain cannot wrap my mind around science.  Strangely I am great at math, but terrible at science. But I digress. So my friend had a crush on me and was also so good at chemistry he would sell the answers to the tests.  One night after he had called to talk to me, my mom said, “oh, he has a crush on you.”. “I guess,” I answered. “you should use him to pass chemistry.”. I looked at her in amazement, yes she was serious. This is also the woman who likes to play the weak woman card to get men to help her carry things. I’ve always remembered this as being one of the worst pieces of advice you could give someone, especially a daughter. Telling a girl that she should use her sexuality to manipulate men is definitely teaching her not to take responsibility for herself.   That was by far the worst piece of advice I have ever been given.

The best advice was when I was pregnant with our son. I’m a terribly selfish person, and I really like my sleep. I had never been around kids before, and didn’t particularly care for most I had come in contact with.  The idea of having a child,  therefore freaked me out. One day I turned to my husband and said, “what if I hate this?  What if I give birth, take one look at him and ask the doctor to put him back? What are we going to do if I hate being a mother?”.  I expected him to tell me the normal stuff, the stuff about how the first moment I see him I’ll fall in love. But he didn’t. What he told me was, “you’ll suck it up and deal with it.  We’re adults. We made a decision and we’ll deal with that decision responsibly like adults. Because that’s  what adults do.”.

Thats what I am:  An adult. And while thankfully my son did turn out to be my greatest joy, there are other, thankless, responsibilities that I remember to deal with as an adult. I don’t need to turn to a man to save me, don’t need to use my feminine wiles to get through life. It’s interesting how two pieces of advice can be so drastically different than each other.

What’s the best an worst advice you ever received?

I shouldn’t blog grumpy, but here I am doing it.  I’m also late in posting this…makes me grumpy.  I forgot to give my son his breakfast before he rushed out the door…grumpy.  My stupid landlords are making getting internet difficult…grumpy.

But what I was thinking about the other night, that was making me really grumpy, is squeaky wheels.  Most specifically, squeaky wheels getting more oil.

In my opinion, squeaky wheels deserve a punch in the face.  (Yes, I did claim inspiration from Ninja.)

My husband and I have some very religious relatives.  The older generation is comprised of religious leaders, missionaries, and definite believers in Christ and the goodness of Christianity.  My husband and I aren’t any of the above…but that’s fine.  To each their own.  But being very good Christians as well as just having giving hearts, those relatives decided to help out (financially) one of our generation who they viewed as being in need.  Note this is the first time this has happened.  

The elders gathered as much money as they could spare to give to this couple.  These people are small business owners who have had a range of bad luck recently – from business problems to medical accidents.  The family decided to help them out.

The thing that makes me upset in all this is that these people are some of the most ungrateful, selfish people I have ever had the chance to meet.  (Facebook…don’t use it unless you mean for people to really see your true self.)  They complain about everything…about the government (obamacare is whack and is a travesty for small business owners everywhere…then they get hurt…and complain about not having health care and how the government can’t even help its own citizens), they complain about the state (state government is trying to kill small businesses by increasing min wage!), to each other (have you ever seen a marriage almost self-destruct on Facebook?).

They complain about everything.  And because they complain, loudly, about the unfairness of the world to them, people have decided to donate money to them.

I want to punch those squeaky wheels in the face.   Read the rest of this entry →